So I read a post here it was very relevant to me. On this specific forum near mine below, but yes. I share her experiences. As of now I learned to love my life and death and be alone, but everyday for as long as I can remember I'll never sleep well feeling someone cares and sees me.

I don't have friends anymore of what they used to be rather. Me isolated talking to someone on a cell phone computer never in person.

I am grateful for my conversational skills but I am exhausted and done making any friendships to maintain. I distance from every person I know and was close or wasn't close anymore. To now we are completely different people from before.

Some days, I wish I could smoke weed in some isolated area and not eat and die starving choosing happiness and getting high and diminishing my hungry belly emotionally and physically.