Quote:
Originally Posted by Skywalking
@lolagrace - LOL, it's not a bad word, but it's just, in my opinion, extremely unprofessional for a therapist to go there with a client? These aren't family members or friends. They're paid for a service. To me it's way over the boundary line and encourages unhealthy attitudes in general (every situation is different, of course) and I don't understand why people would want their therapist to love them or to love them in return. Maybe somebody could explain it to me? 
Like, I trust my mechanic when I need my brakes fixed, which is a pretty big measure of trust considering I put my life in his hands every time I get behind the wheel, but a declaration of love on either of our parts would be weird.  |
I'm not sure I can explain why I want my T to love me, but I do. I think it has to do with my unmet infant needs. She represents a mother figure and the transference is such that the infant and child parts of me want love from her.
For most of my therapy, my T never used the word "love" except once when she asked what the child part needed. I said "for you to tell her you love her." So T said " I love her."
A couple of months ago I wrote "I love you" in an email to my T. I meant that I think she's very special and I DO in some sense feel that. It's always been hard for me to express love to anyone except my kids. I was surprised when she emailed back "sending love to you." She never wrote that before. We talked about it at my next session and she repeated that she does feel love for me, love that really means deep caring, not romantic love.
I said "I love you" directly in another session, but I know she wouldn't say the words directly to me. I mentioned in my last session that I wish she could sign her emails "Love, T" which to me is nice, like others who care about me, write. I didn't think she would, but she did.
I think it's good if T and client understand what the word means when they use it. I love my T in many ways, some is like a child loves her mother, but one way is because she's such a good person. I told her that. She loves me like a T loves a client. I think she's willing to use the word because it helps me internalize her caring, but if she didn't feel it at all, she wouldn't say it. Sorry if I wrote too much in my answer!