IP is a difficult topic for me. I am so resistant to it. It's like what's left of my life is being taken away from me. There's more to it, but I have no words for it. But it's like I have to stepping off the ledge to go and/or be forced into it.

I once asked my Pdoc (the one on maternity leave), to force my into IP. Really, I did. I asked her to take the control away from me. She said she can't. She wished she could, but until I was an actual threat to myself or someone else, she couldn't do anything.

The only times I've been IP was because I was forced to. The only times I've been to a crisis house was because I was forced to and one time had no other option. And I've only been in IOP once. I gladly went to that because I was homeless, so it was that or spend my days on the streets.

It's just something that, again, I'm extremely resistant to