Quote:
Originally Posted by Skywalking
I'm sorry you had such a hard night. I hope things are looking brighter this morning. You are a wonderful person and you deserve to be happy and well.
Is your sleep schedule off that you are awake so late/early? I know for myself, that not sleeping at night, or especially getting really wonky with no set schedule, can really make bad feelings and thoughts a thousand times worse.
You are not wrong for feeling angry with your therapist for what she did. Anybody would feel angry and maybe fantasize about hurting her back. How can you get over a betrayal like this without going through that anger? It shows you are progressing a great deal in dealing with what she did.
You're right that therapists don't stay forever. They don't, and they are supposed to help you learn to deal with that, not do what your therapist did and make false promises about being there forever. Maybe addressing this upfront can be helpful in approaching your new DBT therapist. Maybe they can work with you on how to get close to people while learning to accept that they won't always be there and how to deal with those feelings. Maybe understanding where you are coming from can help your new therapist realize they need to be all the more gentle and respectful of you.
What your therapist did to you was the height of disrespect for you as a client and as an autonomous human being. I swear, sometimes the things I read on here from people whose therapists pull stuff like this, makes me think a lot of mental health professionals are on a massive power trip!
I'm sorry if I sound harsh. I'm angry on your behalf, at something deplorable that was done to you by a professional who ought to have known better. I hope it's okay that I say you are in my prayers and I hope you are keeping yourself safe today, and that it will be a good day. There can and will be good days for you ahead. You are brilliant and resilient and you are going to get through this and be even stronger for it. Whatever those voices are telling you that's bad about yourself, listen to the people on here instead who are telling you how fantastic you are, that none of this is your fault, and that you deserve to be happy and healthy. Those voices, like some therapists, lie their patooties off.
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My sleep schedule is definitely off. I'm sleeping too much during the day. I have also suffered from an eratic sleep schedule for as long as I can remember. Even in preschool: I was the child they had such a hard time getting to take a nap that if/when they did get me to sleep, they let me sleep past nap time. I suffer from over sleeping, difficulty falling asleep, staying asleep, and having a consistent sleep schedule.
I will definitely be bring up to the next T how to be close to someone while also accepting and dealing with the fact that they won't always be there. That is a MAJOR issue of mine. Thank you for putting it out in clear words.
I do not control what you or anyone else think or feel. If you or anyone else are angry with my T, I can accept that. Especially since anger is one of the many emotions I feel towards her. She hurt me. I can't say that she intentionally hurt me, but she sure didn't do anything to lessen the pain. She didn't need to do this to me. If it was money, I would have paid. If it was distance, she could have worked with me to easy me into the transition. I never hurt her or disrespected her...minus the last session. I always stayed within the boundaries she laid out.
I have been listening to what you and everyone else has been telling me. I try to hold onto it all for as long as I can. The "voices" in my head have always been my harshest critc. My T once told me that I'm more verbally abusive to myself than my fiance was. That's sad...
All I can say is that I really am trying. I'm trying so hard to stay together through this all. The pain gets to be too much at times, but when it reduces, I go back to fighting.