Withit. "Depended on others to be there for me"" YES! thats exactly what I've realised yesterday and today...that small dependent child in me is the one still doing the judging and trusting...I "see" this now but am afraid of not having the need to trust in the way I need to trust at the moment still...crazy? I'm afraid If I am not relying on someone else to do/be for me, then I'll be all alone...its almost like I need to not trust so I can continue to try and find trust...but trust in the needy way...my old way doesnt want to change...I have an idea of what it would be like be free of this needy trust but can't quite grasp it and use it yet...I get butterflys in my stomach then it goes...to not depend on someone to do for me is scary...I mean I'd be a big grown up then wouldnt I? LOL! ...

I thinkn I want to continue this topic on friday with T though...I think I almost have the thread through the eye of the needle..