Hi everyone,

I'm new on this forum and really hoping to receive some advice.

I've been seeing a therapist since about 3 months, because of encountering the same issues over and over again. Although I'm happy with the way I look, it seems that I have low self-esteem. (I'm being tested for general anxiety disorder and bipolar disorder. Therapist said last one is unlikely the case).

I pretty much constantly feel worried, nervous and afraid about what people will think of me. I assume they'll hate me. When it seems like people criticise me or when I think I've make a mistake somehow, I will completely freak out, feel depressed and panic to the point where I'm afraid I might jump off a building. In therapy, we've been working on how I feel at work and I've made quite some progress at that point.

What I'm really worried about how I handle relationships or even dating. Talking or flirting is not a problem, but when things get serious I feel afraid all the time!! "He won't like me anymore, he'll leave me, I hate myself and I can't deal with this". I've been dating someone for 2 months now, who's just broken up with his ex. But now we haven't spoken in a few days, probably cause we're moving too fast.
Although I like the guy, I hardly know him and I don't love him or anything. But now the same feelings are coming back to me: I can't focus at work or even long conversations, stomach hurts, legs feel nervous, can't sleep, feel depressed and I just want to stay in bed all day (of course I'm not letting the guy know!!!) I feel so obsessed with this guy, even though I felt better before I even met him! At times I get so overwhelmed I see no other option than ending my life. Which is ridiculous because I have a nice life!

I know how to do crisis-management, so I won't actually hurt myself, so I keep myself busy. But I want to change my behaviour and thinking patterns when it comes to relationships. Any advice? Is this part of an anxiety disorder, low self-esteem or something else? Will I ever be able to have a normal relationship? What can I ask/tell my therapist to help change my patterns?

Thank you so muchxxx