Hi there.
I don't think I've posted here before, so let me introduce myself. I struggle with borderline personality disorder and cyclothymia, and also I have some sort of dissociative disorder (probably DDNOS) that hasn't been diagnosed yet because I find it hard to talk about it.
The cyclothymia seems to be turning into a bipolar II disorder. I'm no physician though, so the only thing that's clear is that I have a bipolar spectrum disorder.
I've always had dysthymic, rather than depressive, episodes. Now, however, I am struggling with a major deppresive stage.
I'm going to try and be rational and objective and enumerate my trouble:
- Trouble getting out of bed. So far this week I haven't been able to go to class because I've found myself terribly depressed in the morning. I simply could not get out of bed. Because of my school's high level and difficulty (it's sort of a pre-med school), missing another class is probably going to cost me lower grades. So far I'm doing excellent though.
- Anxiety about little things within a short period of time. For example, let's say I have to study this afternoon. During the morning I find myself unable to focus and keep obsessing over the study session, keep thinking about it to the point of having a panic attack. This might be a form of generalized anxiety disorder (not self-diagnosing nor seeking for a diagnosis, just saying for the sake of comparation).
- Lack of energy. I find myself unable to do anything. Like stated above, I'm unable to get out of bed. Likewise, I feel like I'm out of energy to focus on or perform the simplest tasks.
- Comorbidity. I also have a ton of issues caused by my BPD, not to talk about the "lose of time" caused by DID/DDNOS.
- General "inner void" feeling. This is a symptom of BPD but is exacerbated by this depressive stage.
Also I have to mention that, because of changes in my medical insurance, I'm not really able to seek for medical help at the moment. Although at one point I told my parents about my urgent need to see a psychiatrist, they have been ignoring the issue ever since and it doesn't look like I'm going to be able to see a doctor anytime soon.
Thanks for reading,
Tom