Hello all,

I was diagnosed with manic depression at the age of 7. I had a really rough childhood that has left me mentally disordered.

Not only do I have bp, I also suffer from adhd (something that has left me a mess). Dud to the things I have suffered in my childhood, I was left with a bad taste in my mouth when it comes to people. I was in and out of children homes and the department of youth services (juvenile prison) as well as a psychiatric hospital.

I have liven my life in mania up until about a year ago. I had down times thanks to some swings in bp, the downs however were easy for me since I was naturally an elevated person so depression didn't fit.

About a year ago I woke one morning out of the blue and I was drained. I would fight to stay awake. The racing thoughts that were always a part of me were gone. As time went on I found myself losing interest in things I have always enjoyed. Slowly I just lost interest and was bored and tired all the time. And this is coming from a person whom has for their whole life never needed sleep and or very little sleep.

I seem to be coming around slightly my my energy is still an issue. I sleep all night and really hate it. When you live for 39 years doing things one way to wake one morning and discover that your are a stranger whom you do not know, it is scary.

My counselor has no real idea except maybe my age is catching up with me. Has anyone had anything like this? I want the old me back. My mind used to be a source of wonder and entertainment, now it is a source of boredom and I find myself looking for external stimulation and that seems to end with little home.

I am getting better though compared to where I have been. Slow process.

Thanks for reading my book .