Quote:
Originally Posted by scarednstuff
I have several rather uncomfortable questions, but am itching for answers....
I have done bad things in the past, I believe these are related to hypomanic episodes. These are usually characterized by increased sex drive and feeling out of control (and have unfortunately acted on it nonetheless). They don't last long (just a few weeks) but I can get myself into trouble. Afterward I feel like a different person, and I'm filled with regret for what I did, and I can't understand how I could even do such things.
That said, I have changed my life for the better. I've been in a stable, healthy and truth-based relationship for years, I am seeing a therapist weekly, I am doing well at my job and feel valued, and I have a strong support network spread over ~4 close friends.
What I'm worried about is, if I have another "episode" or start to feel out of control, can I weather through without ruining all I've worked to hard for? Can mood stabilizers save me from myself? If you are on mood stabilizers, can you tell me that you have truly CHANGED and are now a better person?
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I have lived in an extremely elevated state for years.
At the end of the day, no matter the state, we still have choices.
My mind raced for all of my adult life until the last year. I went without sleep, spent myself into a hole and went on logical rants that may have drove people around me up the wall.
I had a realization about who I was a couple years ago. I don't mean that I was bipolar, rather that my actions were a bit out of control. Having that realization has helped me greatly. I now have seen the error of my ways and now know the problems that my actions can cause and try to curb them. Like out of control spending (when I really don't have the money for that), this is a real problem for me and I fight everyday because of it, it's not easy.
In order to get control, you have to grab life by the horns so to speak. Always remember, you control this ship that's life and no disease defines you.
For the record, I have tried many medications over the course of my life and have been found to be un-medicatable. I have learned to focus my racing mind on learning and it has been great for me and gives me things to put that super sensitive/hyper mind to use doing.
Of course with this YMMV.