Quote:
Originally Posted by MyUsername1111111
Usually, episodes are easier to analyze in hindsight. Because of this, I want to be able to help myself and others discern hypomania/mania on onset. I am an extremely high self monitor, so this all really is interesting to me.
For me (BPII), it usually starts with short trains of though, vivid colors and walking fast. Not just fast walking, but i feel almost as if i am hydroplaning - floating on by with no real control over my body movements.
Eventually, i develop pressured speech, and literally can not sit still. I will feel like i need to go do something, but that something changes throughout the day until i am exactly where i started.
Sometimes i become very paranoid or even end up in an unresponsive stupor.
How do you discern you hypomania/mania?
|
I tend to want to drink alcohol and listen to loud music. I have trouble falling asleep and often feel shaky. I am more prone to mixed episodes these days, so while I feel "high" in some ways, I fall short of indestructible and will break down before I get too high.
I am currently in a cycle and knew it because I was having intense memories about the past that made me want to contact people I haven't spoken to in a long time. I also have to watch how much I drink because one or two drinks can turn into twelve without even thinking about it.
Last night I was feeling pretty good about life and had a couple drinks while listening to music and keeping myself busy (organizing nail polish and yarn). It relaxed me enough that I was able to lay down. But I told my husband I was cycling through mania and he gets weird about it. We met when I was in a manic state and he associated that personality (wild, sex-driven, super happy and outgoing) with who I am. Which, in the end, is just not completely correct. So my "good feeling" mania went to crap pretty fast and I couldn't sleep, because my thoughts were racing about how he judges me and is suspicious and makes assumptions that my good mood are about other people, not him.
Today, I'm low. Mania=over.