Hi there - I am in the same situation. Did some REALLY regrettable things when I was completely out of control and not on meds. Now I am engaged to be married and focused on becoming healthy and stable, but I am so afraid that I will get out of control again. The feelings of lust and obsession were so strong for me that I was delusional and psychotic. Now that I'm keeping a close eye on my illness, it helps to recognize those events as part of a manic episode. I also try to recognize things that trigger me to feel those old feelings that caused me to behave badly and make bad choices. I do not fully trust myself yet but I'm getting there. I hope that if I remain vigilant and aware with myself I can keep those kind of incidences to an absolute minimum or get rid of them completely. Avoid nostalgia at all costs!!! I have really noticed a difference in myself since being on lithium and I believe that I can truly change and become a better person, the person I truly am. Unfortunately we do have a serious illness and sometimes it takes over, but if we continue fighting I think we can win most of the time.