Thanks...

Just to clarify, my T has been in practice for ~30 years. So, he uses the word "supervision", but I assume it's more like regular consultation (i.e. he's not a new T just learning the ropes).

And, he works in a solo practice, so this isn't him meeting with other Ts at the same agency.

I hear you all, I do, that this is a good thing. And, I agree. I think it's easy for Ts to get off path, or get caught up in their own reactions, and this probably keeps my T pretty grounded (he is really good about being non-defensive and keeping his stuff out of the room, as far as I've seen).

But - Echos - OMG! The thought that he might have spent an ENTIRE session talking about just me! Yack. I don't know, I have such a bad, sinking feeling about that. Which is crazy, right, because not that long ago I was assuming that T just forgot me between sessions, and didn't spend *any* time thinking about how he could be better helping me

I think the other thing that's freaking me out... which I really need to check out with him before I completely go nuts... I don't mind him getting supervision, as long as I'm anonymous, and talking about me. But I tend to write out stuff for him, because I have a lot of trouble verbalizing in real time in therapy. And, a couple of weeks ago I gave him some writing that had a lot of very heavy stuff in it.

We talked again about it last week. Then this week, I thought we'd talk some more (we hadn't covered everything). But he didn't open with that. And, when I asked about it, he went to get the paper, and couldn't find it.

So, I've had this awful thought that... what if he's showing my writing to his supervisor/consult-T??? That feels so much more personal than just telling super-T about some anonymous client. I write a lot... I feel like a lot of "me" comes through in my writing ... I feel like that was just meant for my T. The fact that he might have showed it to someone else is causing a bit of rising panic inside... and the fact that he might have accidentally LEFT IT THERE (why else couldn't he find it? All my papers should be right there in my file, there's no good reason for them to not be there - is there???)

... makes me want to just be done with everything right now. It's kind of terrifying and really upsetting. I don't know, writing has been such a good way for me to get information "out" to him, now part of my brain is ready to clamp down on that and say, "NO MORE WRITING!"

Sad.