Quote:
Originally Posted by scarednstuff
I have several rather uncomfortable questions, but am itching for answers....
I have done bad things in the past, I believe these are related to hypomanic episodes. These are usually characterized by increased sex drive and feeling out of control (and have unfortunately acted on it nonetheless). They don't last long (just a few weeks) but I can get myself into trouble. Afterward I feel like a different person, and I'm filled with regret for what I did, and I can't understand how I could even do such things.
That said, I have changed my life for the better. I've been in a stable, healthy and truth-based relationship for years, I am seeing a therapist weekly, I am doing well at my job and feel valued, and I have a strong support network spread over ~4 close friends.
What I'm worried about is, if I have another "episode" or start to feel out of control, can I weather through without ruining all I've worked to hard for? Can mood stabilizers save me from myself? If you are on mood stabilizers, can you tell me that you have truly CHANGED and are now a better person?
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These thoughts have weighed on my mind a lot, too. I, like you, acted promiscuously, and lost friends because of it. I did things while manic that I would NEVER do in a "normal" state of mind. I also got into legal trouble and lost my license for six years.
Now that I am stable (have been with my husband for 4.5 years and have had no other partners, have had a job consistently for 4 years), I look back and can spot the problems before they happen. I wasn't a bad person; I acted out due to mental instability. Which I set my mind on to fix, and did.
I did relapse and go back to heavy drinking last February. I left the bar at 2am, stumbled around in below zero weather, lost a shoe, got frost bite, and accepted a PIGGYBACK RIDE from a stranger to his house where I could stay until I had someone pick me up. Unfortunately, they called 911 because my foot was purple and I ended up having an outstanding warrant from a missed court date in 2007. Went to jail. My husband was confused and furious with my behavior.
It was a slip. It happens to the best of us. All we can do is our best, and make sure we take care of ourselves and make sound decisions.