Hi ThisWayOut,

... if he was always an asshole. If he was always mean and angry and violent. It would be easier if I didn't see him as a broken human being. It would be easier if I could hate him completely.

You know if you're seeing a fraction of understanding (???) towards him/what he did with "a broken human being" that can still allow for you hating what he did. Because it was wrong, undeniably wrong.
You don't need to feel that you need to/should actually excuse his actions to a point/hate them any the less because you find it hard to hate him completely.
Let's face it, you have a right to be hurt by what he did, every right!!! But you also have a right to complete support with that too, and a right towards healing

... if I didn't feel it in my body. If I could just say it was an overactive imagination. If I could say I was making up stories and believe it was all just a bad dream.

... if it never happened. If there was nothing to remember.

You know I'd SO wish that for you too
And I am SO sorry it happened to you. I guess all I can say is as it did happen, we can just try to be here for you

Alison