Wow this is a lot for you to deal with, sorry you are in such a situation.

IMHO it sure could be PTSD... and perhaps the "one" who is a woman is one of his dissociative personalities? That would fit with HIS changing his mind about it, or regreting saying that... not everyone who has PTSD has DID, but dissociation is a part of PTSD... so it isn't too far off base...

Yes, I would think that therapy is indicated for your relationship to even find a ground to make decisions upon. Seems to me you both are in a quandary, and if you can hold on to each other through this, you can get THROUGH it.

Good wishes with this, hope my thoughts have helped...