I'm asking, I have little to no available friends and people who love me around a lot. On top of that my parents my family pretty much black sheep me for coming off as "annoying" from past behaviors.

Alot of people get tired of me, I've done everything to cope with this. So it translated in my teens of very poor boundaries, unusual behavior, and just too much talking.

I like to mess with people but not in a not mindful way rather certain friends and appropriate people. I come off as very likable, but people hate me or ignore me entirely.

Rather I'm more starved emotional that the other emotionally starving people I know as well, but they even shun be for being weird and too different.

I like being me, now I just change my outlook. I don't talk to people much anymore. I've gotten back to starving myself for attention for girls to think I'm more attractive muscular and skinny. I try to make my presence known and perform and make people happy, even if it brings me misery.

I am always walking alone and I'm content of how free I am when I'm having friends. I get too attached worked up depressed when they leave.

I've gotten better now a lot, but feel very dissociated from friends reality and anything that feels recognizable if they love mr or are the just saying it.

Many days I just never want to feel this lonely. So I go out try something new its not making friends or being social is hard. I just hate doing it and ruining it later. So I avoid people so I don't get hurt. I've done a lot worse with than without for certain even though regardless I feel empty but rather pretend the void isn't there and feel perfect the way I am all ****ed up... Yeah