Scarlet,
I just logged on to wish you goodnight right before I went to bed. I'm sorry you're hurting again. I know it looks like forever now but have you noticed how the bad times are getting less frequent and the more normal times are getting longer?

When people encourage you when you're feeling better it's about taking our cue from you and being glad that you're starting to recover, not about expectations. It looks like there will be ups and downs for awhile, but the up times will gradually be more than the hard times. This is night, a vulnerable time for you right now. Tomorrow you're seeing someone who knows about this and who has tools to help you. The hope has a real basis.

You said you still have a few things left to do to prepare. Now is a good time to do that; it will keep you busy until your fiancée gets home and you have a busy day tomorrow so it will be good to have it all done.

I thought you might get a case of the nerves. Try to bring your focus to the support and love that you do have, and the possibility that tomorrow you might well finally get the help you need.

Hoping your night turns more peaceful,
Rags