Hi IRL, I'm going to be real with you for a second. I've followed your posts here on and off, and I don't think that there's any denying that you have personality issues (but so do I). And the reality of the situation is that you will not be a good therapist if you don't get these issues resolved to a certain extent. But most importantly you won't get those issues really resolved unless you find a therapist that you can have a healthy relationship with. I'm speaking from personal experience here. I have seen a lot of T's and it wasn't until I found the one that I have now that I've started to see some of my personality issues really reduce. She is very caring and supportive, and even though we fight sometimes we always have healthy resolutions which lead to progress in the therapy.

The other thing that I want to say to you is that a lot the T's who hurt me, and delayed my getting better for many years, were people who clearly were not healthy enough to be treating clients. You may hurt the people who you intend to help if you do not find a new T who can truly help you get better. If it is in part your issues that are making it hard to leave your current T then I suggest that you reach out for support to people around you, perhaps in your program. I believe that you are in a toxic therapy relationship that could ruin your whole career. And there is no way you can be a good T if you don't have a good example. Please understand that I'm just saying all this because I want you to get well, and to be able to help people in away that is going to be beneficial to both parties.