I guess the main thing I can't accept is that my grandmother is supposed to be the wiser part of me. Maybe if it was my grandmother on my dad's side, I would be okay with that, but idk. I just feel uneasy when thinking about it. Why would my subconscious consider her to be the wiser? I guess it just confuses me. She has been nice to me for what I can remember, although I have some blanks. I wonder if I am at fault for not understanding, or if something else is the problem. I don't think that I ever really made a connection with her I guess. Or my great grandparents that died. I feel like I should have felt some grief over their deaths but I didn't. Maybe it is because I cannot remember them. They felt like strangers to me. Now that I think about it, my grandma feels kind of like a stranger to me as well. Kind of depressing, ha.