Quote:
Originally Posted by ragsnfeathers
Scarlet,
I just logged on to wish you goodnight right before I went to bed. I'm sorry you're hurting again. I know it looks like forever now but have you noticed how the bad times are getting less frequent and the more normal times are getting longer?
When people encourage you when you're feeling better it's about taking our cue from you and being glad that you're starting to recover, not about expectations. It looks like there will be ups and downs for awhile, but the up times will gradually be more than the hard times. This is night, a vulnerable time for you right now. Tomorrow you're seeing someone who knows about this and who has tools to help you. The hope has a real basis.
You said you still have a few things left to do to prepare. Now is a good time to do that; it will keep you busy until your fiancée gets home and you have a busy day tomorrow so it will be good to have it all done.
I thought you might get a case of the nerves. Try to bring your focus to the support and love that you do have, and the possibility that tomorrow you might well finally get the help you need.
Hoping your night turns more peaceful,
Rags
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Yeah. The bad times are getting less frequent. And my daily life is getting back to normal. It's just when I remember her. I think I'm distracted enough during the day, but night time I'm all alone, vulnerable, and wanting comfort. My T provided me with the most emotional comfort out of anyone. I have been resisting my SI urges and I'm not worried about the SUI thoughts at this that point. But when I think of my T, I'm just overwhelmed with emotions.
Tonight, is not a restful night
I'm super tired and can fall asleep in an instant. The problem is that my lower back is in horrible pain atm. I don't know if I pulled a muscle in my lower back and the pain is shooting down, or if when I hit my knee tonight it caused pain and it's shooting up. I put polar frost on, took ibuprofen, and have a heating pad on. I'm hoping that will help enough so I can sleep.
I made my list of fears and concerns. Now it's just letting events unfold. One important thing, that SC reminds me all the time, is to eat right. I've been trying to make some healthier choices and it seems to be helping a little. But I plan to eat well tomorrow to ease the stress a little.
I really really hope this might be the right T. My instinct will tell me. I will instantly feel a connection or not. And I'm hoping my fiance can come with into session so he can get a feel of this new T. My T never let him come in except for one time.
Good night Rags. Sweet dreams. I will hopefully be heading there soon myself.