You sound like a great husband and father. Your issues sound like fairly normal issues in a marriage, except usually it's the wife that does everything. I have two young kids and work full time and do/did 90% of the share of everything. About a year and a half ago through therapy I realized how much I resented my husband for it and was ready to end the marriage if it didn't become more of a partnership.

I will say that because of marriage counseling he has stepped up a lot. I still do a lot more of the child care and housework, but it's much better than it was. I had to learn to ask for help instead of just doing it myself. I still struggle with that because sometimes it's just easier to do it myself. But I have to remind myself that he isn't me and won't automatically do things sometimes and that I may need to verbalize it.

You need to sit down with your wife and discuss how you are feeling. You are not being selfish, she has been spoiled to this point. You can still do more since you have less work stress and more time. However, she can wake herself up, get her own breakfast and coffee and start her own car. She is a grown, responsible woman. Give yourself the extra time to sleep in. When she gets home she should be able to have a half hour or whatever to unwind, but then she needs to be a partner in the home and marriage. Maybe switch off nights cooking or you cook and she does the dishes, etc.

Good luck!