Quote:
Originally Posted by licketysplit
I would like to know what the technique is just so I can deal with a couple close relatives that my therapist calls abusive personalities. If they are approached with a truth, even in the gentlest of ways, I get attacked and, at the same time, they play up being victims and martyrs. I don't know how it works out that way, but it's a mind***k.
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That's exactly what the stbx would do. That and start angrily blaming me whenever anything upsetting happened to him.
You can't add anything new to the discussion otherwise they'll twist it and throw it back in your face. Basically you just stick to repeating their lines - usually they'll have go-to phrases that they use over and over. Try to use those on them before they can use them on you. It shuts them down cold.
Be warned though, it is utterly emotionally exhausting. You can't let them see that you're any way affected by the hurtful things they're saying. You're reflecting them, giving themselves back to them, essentially closing the loop and refusing to give them the feedback they crave.