What a good question! I have been asked this before, but by ppl IRL who didn't really care, but were nosey and didn't understand how I battle pain 24/7. I am no longer "bored" which is what you sound.. in a way...

You are suffering and need help... I'm sorry to hear you didn't attend the debriefings, as those who receive help soon after a trauma are less likely to have it affect them as severely.

Please do seek out those who debriefed the others... contact whatever agency was there, as they would have first hand knowledge of not only the trauma, but of what the others were expressing... they will understand and be able to help you better than others.

These things affect us in different ways... your depression, feeling of worthlessness, are not the real you... but you need time to allow yourself to just "be"... and you are doing plenty with raising children and keeping house! OMG! so much...

Reading is good, especially if you can learn new things. My depression hits me differently and it is all I can do (and I force myself to do this, for others and myself) is to read the posts here and respond. I can't read many of the long ones even, because I have trouble concentrating...

There are ways to volunteer when you are really ready for that, without meeting ppl... plenty of non profits need filework or just organization stuff some just on computer, at home... others, like the gift shop at the zoo might need someone to work in the inventory room with stuff, not people... but I suspect you are not up to any of this right now...

Take your time, but get help, please. You're suffering so much, and deserve to feel better!