If you're avoidant, it's very hard to accept that someone might actually like you, that they aren't simply using you for something, especially when there are about a billion examples that you can latch onto as whatever they are using you for.

(The flip side of that is when someone really is using you, it feels "right," so you don't even notice you're being used. It's a vicious cycle.)

I could probably name half a dozen people right now who consider me a friend (obviously not a close friend) who would be boggled to know that I still think, "Why is that person talking to me?" every single time they say something to me. They give off all the signals that they consider me to be a friend. But that is impossible. I'm not a valid person, I'm not eligible for friendship, or anything else, for that matter. Why don't they know that? No worries, they will figure it out eventually.

That thought process is how the avoidant mind works. It doesn't matter that you want friends, it's impossible. "I can't do it, and they can't want me" is the avoidant mantra.

However, from time to time someone will slip through the cracks. Then the problem becomes, this person wants to interact with me for whatever reason, that's impossible, so it can't possibly be equal. That's the only possible explanation. Then it becomes a situation like the person described above - the avoidance will wear everyone out, so it's just a matter of time before they leave. It doesn't matter what happens, I will screw the friendship up eventually.

Yes, I know, this is messed up thinking. If it was normal in any way, then there wouldn't be a PD diagnosis now would there be? But, since hopefully you can't relate, have I cleared anything up for you?