Well, I survived. And I think I like her. She told me a lot about herself. I know more about her than I did my ex-T. Sad. She addressed all my concerns. She was punctual. She gives hugs! She told me if I want a picture of her, steal it off the internet
She liked my puppy. Actually, everyone did. And I can bring my puppy back.
She has a sense of humor:
*I made a comment about how my fiance is there for me at night. She asked where else would he be. We told her that he sleeps on the couch (and explained why). She asked: "Do you two ever have sex?" Lol. We both replied yes. She said "Good."
But we also told her no sex therapy
* She said that not being able to have another puppy is not an emergency call
One of her child clients did that.
I have a few concerns:
1. Their forms seem like a background check. It asked for my license plate number, car make, model, etc... And a bunch more personal questions...like about my childhood development... I did email her and ask her if I had to fill everything out. She emailed back asap saying we can discuss whatever I don't want to fill out.
2. She's okay if I see her as a "mother-figure". That just seems odd. I told her that I would probably develop an attachment to her and asked how she felt about that. She said we'll deal with it if it happens.
3. She's a very religious person. Which I'm fine with. But I do not identify as Christian. I don't identify with any religious label. But it might be a good thing because I have a lot of guilt with my current beliefs because they go against what I was taught when I was a Christian, so maybe she can help with the guilt?
4. If I understood her correctly, she wants me to disclose everything next session. That scared the hell out of me! Omg! 95%, okay. I can at least state the basics. But she better not want details. I am so not there yet. Basically, anything about sex in the past is off-limits. I told her there's a secret that there's no way I'm telling her about anytime soon. We'll see. && (
Guilloche).
And I admitted to her that I google'd her and found out a lot about her already. And that I found her home address and phone number... She was a little taken aback. But it really bothered me that I found it, especially considering her profession. She was actually grateful I told her. I explained that I won't stalk her. It'd be pretty stupid to admit to that day 1 and then go stalk her. I think she believed me.
She promised to not lie to me. And she promised not to abandon me. Both those promises scare me. Will she keep them? Do I dare trust her? Should I jump in the deep end and open myself up again? Or do I go cautiously? I want help and don't want to wallow in this pain forever. But I don't know this woman. My gut says to trust her. My heart says no way. My brain hasn't a clue.
But I liked her. That's what matters right now, right? Just take it one step at a time.
I'm still scared of her, and I told her that. She didn't believe me at first. Just like my ex-T didn't believe me. Could that be my gut telling me there's something wrong? Or is that simply me trying to protect myself?
Well, it was a good day anyways. A long day. I think I will sleep well tonight.
Thank you all for joining me. It meant a lot.
