And it's night time. "All roads lead to"...ex-T.

I remembered that my T also told me that if I went to a specific DBT center that she wanted me to go to, she would remain my individual therapist, help me with the DBT and even be on-call 24/7. So again, I don't understand why she left.

I feel like I'm cheating on my ex-T with my new T. Is that weird? Not like she would even care, right? I feel guilty for liking this new T.

But I am really excited about this new T the more I think about it. Scared, but hopeful. Actually, I'm not scared of her per se, I'm scared because she's a T...my T. Scared to be vulnerable. Part of me just wants to hate her, but I don't. Part of me wants to give in and give her my trust. I just want to be cared for, but I can't allow myself to do that.

My ex-T really f'ed me up.... Does someone have a time machine I can borrow so I can skip this grieving process? Please! I need my ex-T out of my thoughts and feelings. If she's physically gone, why won't my mind let go?

I hope this week passes by fast so I can see how it goes the next time with this new T. I'm really curious. I know I will start panicking about seeing her a few days before. But still, I want to know if my instinct is right about her.

I'll just shut up and go to bed now. Even though I can't sleep. Such is life.

Oh, and Kraken, the elephant is pink. It's huge. And sadly, it's an ugly elephant (maybe because it's pink?) But I'm honest, even about things I don't want to be honest and/or open about