I feel for you so much. I have the same perfect storm as you (anorgasmia and ED), yet I am a man, and they are both in me. I spent most of my life with almost too much feeling in my penis and many times I would ejaculate from even just the act of penetrating. I eventually hurt my back, and although no doctor has yet to confirm my theory, I lost the sensations of touch and temperature in my penis because of that injury. I don't think I'll ever know for sure why my penis doesn't work properly, it's not from the normal reasons like meds or diabetes, and the most obvious place (pudendal nerve) is not really accessible for assessment.

It is a difficult cycle to deal with. I physically can get an erection easily (even from a cold wind out of the north). I luckily have reacted well to Viagra, meaning that I can keep it up and hard to satisfy my wife. But my orgasms are no longer consistent. There are times that my wife is on her third orgasm (from penetration) and I am no where close and tiring out fast. Even with her (or me) trying to manual finish me doesn't always work, so I don't ejaculate about 50% of the time. On top of that, about 20-30% of the time, I will have an ejaculation without an orgasm or an ejaculation that hurts. I know that this may be hard to understand for some, but the plumbing does what it is supposed to, but the muscle/chemical release just doesn't happen.

I admit that I don't always react well to this. I do suffer from post-Viagra headaches, so you can understand how frustrating it can be to try and have sex, then end up without an orgasm (or with pain) and then have a massive headache. Sadly my wife views my disappointment and then figures she doesn't want to hurt me, so she avoids sex. Talk about a bad cycle...I'm feeling down, then I get more down because I can't even try to have sex.

I have been seeing a sex therapist, first as a couple, now alone. I have been having success at "dealing" with the situation. What this means is that I recognize and accept that a pleasurable orgasm (or an orgasm at all) does not have to be the expected result. I have ACTUALLY engaged in intercourse with my wife, where she was satisfied through cunnilingus, then we stopped and went to bed. My pleasure was gained from providing pleasure.

Now, can this help you? Maybe...I know for years when I had premature ejaculation, my wife wouldn't orgasm because I would finish too early. She always told be that she had fun, even without an orgasm. The situation may just be one that you have to accept and deal with. For me that has meant accepting that sex is not all about the almighty orgasm, that sex can still be enjoyable without it. I know it goes counter to human nature, but I know for sure I am happier now than when I was making an issue out of every "failure" and getting depressed over it.