I've been struggling with the same question all my years in therapy. It's hard! For me, it's only with my current T that I've stopped asking so much. My T does give me what I can't have, so I have it now, to some extent. What she gives me IS enough. Her allowing touch, giving me love, being a real person to me, is healing. I don't know if it's her warmth, or her modalities, especially SE, or a combination. Also my finally being able to talk more directly about my needs and what I wish I had.

All my other Ts told me you can't make up what you missed. That's true, but you CAN stop craving it. I know SE isn't the only way. I think it's more about accepting what your T does give you, and keep talking about what you missed and what you want even if you can't get it. It's like I have to get that out of my system by telling my T I want love, and how important she is to me. and having her validate that without crossing boundaries. It's a process. Hang in there!