I think this says it all. It is pretty normal for some of us not to hate our abusers, especially if they were someone who was supposed to love and care for us. When I first realized the abuse, I was mad at myself for not stoping it, but not mad at my abusers. They were people I loved and cared about. Even when it was someone I had no prior relationship with, I had difficulty feeling any anger towards them. I felt very much like you describe: hating myself and blaming myself.
Abuse can overtly or covertly instill in us that we are the reason a perfectly good and noble person has turned to doing bad things. I remember being told that simply by being born a girl, I would turn men into raging animals with no self-control. I would entice them simply by existing (strangely enough, I know many animals with more self-control that said humans...).
If you have a chance (and not yet doing it), I would suggest trying to talk to a therapist about it all. If nothing else, they may be a safe place to unburden yourself.
It wasn't your fault, no matter what the abusers said...