My feeling is that with the talking, wanting the t to say certain things, or like lolagraces h parsing her words, it is easier to get caught in old transference traps and want or expect the other person to act out the role of the original object. So you are not having a real relationship with the t, but trying to force them into playing a role - it is their job to resist that, and to force you into the present, and into better ways of coping and getting what you really need. I didnt realize this before this thread!