Quote:
Originally Posted by waggiedog
Hi, I'm all of 56 years old, dispite severe ED's for over 40 years. That's ALL of the ED's, but I've been huge (obese for my height) and near death due to overdoses because I just couldn't deal with the anorexia and bulimia, plus abuse of all drugs that kepts me ''thin''. I'm STILL in the grip of a total obsession with being and getting to lesser and lesser weights, I CAN'T even weight any less, I weight less now than when in Psych hospital for my ED's, which has been 5 times to date. Its hampered by aquaintences telling me I look GOOD!!!!! Yeah OK, I spend over and hour applying make up and I'm obsessed with chick clothes, but I'm ill and my very trusted Psych Dr at my drug de~tox re~hab centre paints a very very serious different story. (I'm addicted to a LOT of ''legal'' and prescription meds BUT, these narcotics are not mine to take!) The weight loss meds are free to buy. I have BPD, no children as I've completely ****** up my body. My elyctrolyte readings are terrible, I've lost five more teth in one month, I have a mild lung infection, I totally shattered and faint, Psych Dr said my pupils are shot to pieces and I should be driving. It's agony without my narcotics, too many laxitives has made my blood pressure so low........................I KNOW all this but the only drive I need/have to stay alive is I'm my dads full time carrer, he's so poorly, but he's my No ONE. I keep fainting, I feel like I dying, and Psych says that's exactly what I doing! The ED mind set is soooooooooooooo strong and seeing all these famous anorexic twigs gives out totally the wrong message. Sorry for my rant, maybe I just frightened' XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
|
Thank you for this rant. Nothing to be sorry for. This helps. I think maybe my current weight is giving me an excuse to keep doing my behaviors...I don't know. I just keep telling myself that I can't have an ed cause I'm too heavy...Thank you for understanding that...
And yeah, it's definitely an encouragement when others comment on my weight loss. So even though I may not have eaten for an extended period of time and may feel physically horrible, I feel accomplished, and then it's perpetuated by people who comment on how good I look since I've lost weight. It's a vicious cycle.