I am so sorry you are going through this. I have a different take on your situation and I hope it helps.

It sounds as thought your husband and this other woman have a very toxic relationship that involves a lot of pushing and pulling. I know first hand that toxic relationships are the hardest to kick. It is usually indicative of some childhood issue that is being relived with a person that evokes familiar feelings. Whatever the deeply rooted cause it isn't an easy thing to get over. In fact most don't ever get over it so much as they simply just choose a better and more healthy road.

Your husband seems to be stuck in a merri-go-round with this woman and neither one cares who gets hurt when they go round and round. This leaves you in a vulnerable spot if you don't take a cold hard look at what you are willing to put up with and where you draw you line in the sand - everyone has their limit!

How can you trust this man even if you get a good five committed years from him? This woman has shown time and time again (despite his vows to you before god and your friends/families) that she can very easily come in and wreak havoc if she so chooses because YOUR HUSBAND allows it.

If he truly wanted to be rid of her he could be. He chose to allow himself to be contacted by her despite his vow to forsake all others for you. That is a problem. I would strongly urge you to start sharing your heartache with a support system and build yourself up...that way you have a nice strong foundation to start asking yourself what your boundaries are.

Perhaps you will someday get to the point where you are able to forgive your husband and move forward...that can happen but only if he seeks to admit, own, and change his behavior. It will require a lot of repair work on his end like giving you a lot more transparency (i.e. showing you his phone records, giving you reassurance and proof that he is not in contact with this woman or any other for that matter).

Stay strong and know that you have power in this situation...it comes with knowing that at any point you can decide that you are not willing to accept bad behavior even once more.

Why be with someone who can easily turn his feelings off. In fact I fear for you because he seems to lack empathy and other socially acceptable feelings....forgoing them and taking on whatever feelings his collective peers tell him to. Not such a good sign there.