I find that I would love to have the love/connection/mothering from an older woman. I have had women offer to be my mom (literally), but my wall goes up. I so desperately want it but I also can't accept it. I think it's the fear that if I'm vulnerable, they will leave me or hurt me. So, while I DO have access to it, it's not easy for me to accept it. Another thing we are working on in therapy.