Have you been so emotionally exhausted to the point new and old forming and solid relationships are all lies and you just feel easier and more content to shove everyone so you have no one left.

I have alot, I hate me. I hate they never cared to try to understand. I'm sick of the deafening silence. It makes me angry when I'm stuck in quiet I have to make posts like this describing my experience then I may hit myself screaming at myself. Punching myself telling myself I'm nothing. That people leave me here because they never cared they never wanted me around. Rather doing something about it makes it all worse.

I got sick of eating like I want to eat, but anything makes me sick. I find it all repulsive. Rather it started from self control starvation and lots of exercise. Now I rather just starve myself to death because I am emotionally starved as much as my body will be.

Cuz I don't care. Everything good happens to others. I don't care anymore I didn't want to be someone's friend in my head if they're never mine. I play make believe to cope despite being called out weird because I am going crazy everyone is like a wall to a giant maze and no end in site. Rather my isolation is in public and in private rather I get angrier and act out more feeling teased to what I'll never achieve seeing everyone together. Yeah I can ask to join strangers but I don't have any feeling of comfort or good feelings around people.
So I'm locked in a confusing predicament.