Very depressed today. I feel so hopeless and joyless. There is nothing in life I derive any real pleasure out of anymore. It's all just a bland gray. Every day is exactly the same as the last, with only minor differences - it's been that way for several months now . And the days all run together... sometimes I catch myself thinking of something that happened, wondering, did that happen last week or last month? Because there is no difference. And I never have anything to look forward to. There aren't any 'ups' for me. I'm only getting worse.