Then sending comfort and concern in modes that are not hugs. Whatever form you best receive that in, let that be what it is. The important thing is that it works for you.

There is one thing I can tell you, and that is that you DO matter! This is something that I struggle with a lot lately too, and have the same reaction -- that it is a lie(!) But in less mind-turbulent times, realize that the mattering is what's real, and that the other is a manifestation of how we're feeling about ourselves, and assuming that others must too. But they don't. They have their own minds, you will not infect them. I realize that might be hard to believe right now.

Do you have a Pdoc and/ or T? Are you taking your meds? Perhaps they need an adjustment. It'd be a really good idea to give them a call -- they need to know what is going on so they can help you. It's definitely worth breaking the silence for. You CAN feel better, it's just going to take some help right now to make that happen. We all need a bit of help sometimes. It's ok. Being all topsy-turvy with torrents of thoughts is no fun! Truly, you cannot infect them. They can help you sort things out. Let them help, ok? Please?