I nearly had a panic attack at the gym today. I'm overweight, but whenever I lapse and start using behaviors and lose a few pounds, I end up gaining it all back plus more. So basically every time I try to lose weight, I end up fatter. And logically, I know that the solution is to stop using the behaviors, and my metabolism and weight will stabilize, but my eating disorder is just telling me, "if you weigh this much even while restricting, exercising, and purging, just imagine how fat you'll be if you stop!"