I'm continuing with both my couples and individual therapy. Had to take a break from couples last week because the previous couples session was too intense and horrible. But we did well in couples this week and are back on track.

Today I had an individual session. I always love them, and would go every week for individual if I could, but couples plus individual each week is too much money right now. So today I declined an individual session for next week. Wow, never thought I would ever be saying that! But the important work is in couples right now, and I am doing OK on my own.

It was interesting today when T and I talked about how some therapists won't work both with a couple and individually with one (or both) of the partners. Or similarly, won't do therapy with different subsets of families (such as a mom and a child both individually and together). He talked about why his therapeutic orientation--humanistic and family systems--allows him to do that. His training has equipped him to work with the client's Self whether the client shows up individually or with another person. And if there is more than one person, he can work with both. He understands so much more about my relationship now that he is working with my spouse too, and that makes things a lot easier for us (a picture is worth a thousand words). He talked about the theory of the therapeutic relationship in Freudian psychoanalysis (transference, etc.) and why this orientation has a hard time accommodating a systems approach. It was interesting and one of the more "psychological" conversations we've had.

We discussed the risk in taking an individual therapy relationship into couples or family therapy. The risk is that the bond between the T and client will be broken or harmed, that the new client in the room will somehow come between the T and the original client, or that the original client will feel ignored or not important anymore, and trust will be lost. He is trained in not letting this happen, but it is a risk nonetheless. He warned me of this risk before we began couples. I told him that was partly why it took me so long to want to do couples with him--that it took months to build our relationship and trust. But when I trusted him enough, I was ready, and I knew our bond would endure. (It has been awesome to watch T in action in couples, and how he can work with each of us and also establish a brand new bond with my husband.) So today T had wanted to check in with me to make sure I was not feeling like our bond was suffering because of the couples therapy. I am not having a problem with it and feel as close as ever to him. Last week in individual, I was able to tell him things he was doing in couples that were not working for me, and he was very receptive to this and said this is exactly the sort of thing we need to discuss to make sure our bond is not harmed.

Anyway, it was a good session, and even couples was good earlier this week--very nuts and bolts but productive. I am learning to work better with my husband as we uncouple. T says sometimes it can be poignant when divorcing couples learn to communicate better, because then they may feel regretful, like why didn't we do this before? But I am not feeling regretful--just glad to be talking better together because it will make the whole process easier.

Maybe one of my favorite things from the session is T alluded to the work we could/would do after the divorce. I love to hear him mention the future like this. He really can help me with a lot, to rebuild my life. Just hearing him mention that gave me hope that there will be an "after" and that I would survive this. It is so important to have hope. As people have mentioned in their posts before, sometimes it is these seemingly insignificant little moments and utterances in therapy that affect the client most. I am very eager to get on to rebuilding, with T's help, but have to finish up the other thing first.

Oh, and T wore glasses to both sessions this week! First time for that. At one point today he said "you're so cute" when I said something he found amusing (but which I didn't intend to be, lol). I love it when he says that. It makes me feel really close to him.

I know this is too long, so if you made it to the very end, thanks!!