Quote:
Originally Posted by KayDubs
So I'm on board with the gender fluidity concept, and it is my understanding that for some, it means they might feel more feminine in some aspects at times, and can switch to feeling more masculine at other times.
This plays out for me in an odd way. Physically, I have what could be considered a feminine build (big boobs + curves), much to my dismay at times. But I've always been a tomboy, passed for a boy for a few years before puberty put a quick stop to that, and I dress pretty neutrally most days (jeans + chucks + t-shirts or hoodies). I rarely wear makeup. So I don't think most people would categorize me as a "feminine" person. Sometimes I'll change it up and wear a flowy shirt, and form-fitting jeans, and boots, with my hair down, and on those days I come across as very feminine (still no makeup though). And I definitely FEEL more feminine on those days, whereas I FEEL more gender neutral (though still slightly towards the feminine side of things) most days.
What I wonder is: where does behavior and personality fit into all this? I'd say that I have pretty "feminine" values. I put a great deal of effort into relationship building (on personal, professional, and community levels), I am not a particularly competitive person (a trait some might consider more "masculine"), and I am a caregiver extraordinaire (thanks, cr@ppy childhood!). If those values informed my gender in any way, I'd say I'm pretty darn feminine. Does any of this make sense?
I had a few (er, several) beers a few weeks ago with a friend, and we came up with this...what if gender was measured on an X/Y graph, with appearance being one axis and values being the other? IDK, just something we were happily bantering about after a few strong beers.
Anyway, I think this is great stuff to talk about with your T. I know I've chewed my T's ear off over random stuff like this several times. It is very strange to think about yourself and your identity in a whole different context. And sorry for the delay in responding!
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Thank you, Kay, that's a really interesting angle, and worth waiting for
I can relate a little to some of this, though I have never "felt" feminine, nor masculine neither. I have no frame of reference for that and I don't know what that might feel like. Clothes don't make me feel anything special - there are clothes I feel seriously uncomfortable and wrong in, such as any form of skirt or dress or anything that reveals too much skin, but I can't say that I feel good in any particular clothing. As far as I am concerned, clothes have two purposes: to cover one's body for modesty and warmth, and to print statements on. (I also have never used makeup, nor have I ever shaved any parts of my body other than my face.)
I like the X/Y axis idea on principle, even though I don't think there are any values that are more masculine or feminine. As far as I understand, being a caregiver is mostly about being given the opportunity and financial incentive, and to a lesser degree about personality. When there is financial incentive for either parent to be home with a child, men and women tend to divide the days fairly equally (there is a lot of variation between individual couples, of course.)
Add sexuality into the mix, and I'm completely lost at sea - but that's really much too personal to be discussed in public (or at all!)