I wake up in the moment mostly.

Nothing in my past effects me because my memory is bad and it's fine when I'm ok. I ignore it. So I'll keep drinking etc

I do dread the psycho Concerta crash though about an hour before it happens. They gave my a different type of methylphenidate XR so I hope that does something.

Before in my past was screwed up bad. Like I was a mess and couldn't even get out of bed. It wasn't impossible on high dose Risperdal abuse but at least I wasn't agitated...