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This sounds like anxiety, and possibly borderline personality disorder. I suffer from both and I share some of those tendencies. You may see a psychiatrist for medical options.
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. . .
Burning mud in my eyes blinding me from the truth
If it's a shadow in me the dark is a tidal wave inside of you
You've been taking communion
Getting drunk on your antidote
I'll save a seat next to me down below
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