SpringStar,

take a second, and read your post again. It looks like you're entirely blaming yourself for what you're going through, both mentally and with your partner. Which is not true.

It takes two people to make a relationship work, and from what you've shared of your story, your partner hasn't exactly been a model of good behaviour. Please try not to blame yourself.

As for the depression and anger, I don't know how to make them go away, and I don't think there's a magic cure, except to keep talking, online or in RL to people that care, and do little things to boost your mood. One day at a time.

Although these feelings certainly don't aid relationships, I don't think they necessarily spell doom for them either. People should be able to look past the symptoms to the real person inside, and recognise the depression for what it is- an illness- as they would with a person with flu or measles.

I don't know if any of this is helpful or not, but just want you to know that I'm thinking about you, and listening.

-Meander