Quote:
Originally Posted by Mastodon
Thank you, Kay, that's a really interesting angle, and worth waiting for 
I can relate a little to some of this, though I have never "felt" feminine, nor masculine neither. I have no frame of reference for that and I don't know what that might feel like. Clothes don't make me feel anything special - there are clothes I feel seriously uncomfortable and wrong in, such as any form of skirt or dress or anything that reveals too much skin, but I can't say that I feel good in any particular clothing. As far as I am concerned, clothes have two purposes: to cover one's body for modesty and warmth, and to print statements on. (I also have never used makeup, nor have I ever shaved any parts of my body other than my face.)
I like the X/Y axis idea on principle, even though I don't think there are any values that are more masculine or feminine. As far as I understand, being a caregiver is mostly about being given the opportunity and financial incentive, and to a lesser degree about personality. When there is financial incentive for either parent to be home with a child, men and women tend to divide the days fairly equally (there is a lot of variation between individual couples, of course.)
Add sexuality into the mix, and I'm completely lost at sea - but that's really much too personal to be discussed in public (or at all!) |
The part about clothing/presentation that is odd for me is that there's shame mixed up in feeling too feminine, which is why I tend to dress more neutrally. And I kind of like some of the positive attention when I'm dressed more feminine, but anything that leans even slightly into objectification makes me sick, and my threshold for feeling even slightly objectified is extremely low.
Re: values, maybe this is a cultural difference. I know there's plenty of stay-at-home fathers out there in the world, and I know that's more prevalent in Europe, but I've never met a stay-at-home father here in the U.S. I have heard stories of men (here in the U.S.) feeling emasculated if the children's mother made more money than them, and in these instances the mother stayed home and put her career on hold to raise the kids. And there's nothing wrong with that arrangement, either. But even if it doesn't make financial sense for the mother to stay home with the kids, it happens quite often from what I understand. But you're right--if the financial incentives are there, people will take advantage of them. I think if the U.S. had more options for paternity leave and other parental support, we'd see a lot more stay-at-home fathers here. And hopefully it would help them feel less emasculated as well.
That was rambling, hope it made some sense!