Hi, As some of you know I am in the process of moving from my hometown to my husband's hometown. Because the home we inherited from his parents is having some major work done on it I won't be living there quite yet - I am looking for a quiet, small rental near to the house. I've been applying for rentals & will be doing some more applying this week.

In another thread I posted about my room-mate - he was a former co-worker and friend who fell on very hard times (lost job, etc.). I offered him a room in my current home because I was trying to help him out and because the place I live in has extra space. The idea was that the friend would find another job asap and contribute to household expenses. Well, it didn't go that way. The friend never made any attempt to job-search. Instead, he just hung around the house and has totally trashed the place. He had appeared to be a frustrated man, but not a vicious one. Well, he hid the "vicious" aspect of his character very well. It has been years now that my husband and I have supported this parasite. (We have not been able to evict him from the premises due to a very stupid California law.)

I am deeply afraid of the man at this point. He has defaced my personal property, stolen from me, and so on. He blames EVERYONE in his life - especially women - for EVERYTHING that has failed in his life. The truth is, he is a real loser with serious anger issues and a multitude of psychiatric issues for which he sees no reason to seek help because of course it's all someone else's fault.

Here is my question. I am in a terrible, relentless state of severe anxiety/panic and part of why I'm in that state is because of this: When I do find a place to move into (hopefully no later than April) what do I do on moving day? I don't want the room-mate present. I hate the thought of doing this to another human being, but I think I have to move my possessions (not much) when the guy is not here...just "disappear". BUT he is always here...or, if he's away, it's not for more than an hour, and he's not far (he does not drive). What the heck do I do? Has anyone been in a similar situation? Any ideas?? My room-mate's father has been almost completely unhelpful with regard to helping his son in any way, but should I try to appeal to the father...ask him to invite his son to his (very nice) home for a few days so I can make my move? Should I risk that?

I'm terribly afraid of my room-mate (he owns rifles and knows quite well how to use them). He sees my leaving as a complete abandonment...his mother abandoned him when he was four years old and he has clearly transferred his confused hatred of her onto me.

My husband, daughter, and son-in-law will be here helping me move (they will be present at all times during the move) - still, I am afraid and just cannot envision moving with the mentally unbalanced, raging man on the premises.

?????