I am going to attempt to not be too long winded with this and be as clear as I can although my mind feels all over the place lately. Two months ago my relationship ended, it did not go smoothly. The relationship was only for 5 months but it became very intense VERY quickly. She is bipolar (not sure if 1 or 1) with rapid cycling and on meds for at least 2 years. I was undiagnosed bipolar at the time and dealing with the loss of a parent and a very close friend of mine at the end of a terminal illness. The relationship quickly turned into being with one another all of the time (outside of work), in love, her claiming numerous times she was "terrified" of losing me, didn't know what she would do, would text repeatedly and call if it seemed like I was pulling away. In reality I was suffering with grief. But I did whatever I needed to reassure her and comfort her so I would not have to deal with childish temper tantrums when she felt insecure plus I did love her so I wanted her to be happy regardless if I was only asking for 15 minutes to just be able to sit alone by myself. When we had good times it was AMAZING but on the other hand when we had bad times it was absolutely horrible and the demise of our relationship was not an easy one. At all.

That was two months ago; I have since also been diagnosed with bipolar and I have been quite depressed the last two months. Nothing seems to help. I do have my good days or moments throughout the day but I miss her tremendously. I felt the depression was slightly easing up and things looking a bit sunnier then I decided to voice my thoughts to her about how I do miss her. Considering how in the relationship she went on and on about how she thought she loved me more than I loved her, she couldn't stand the thought of losing me, she wanted to be with me for a long time, she called and sent texts from the moment she woke up until the moment she was falling asleep, etc I thought maybe if I said hello, asked how she was, and expressed that I do still care for her and miss her that perhaps we could take a look at being friends.

I was very wrong. The response I got was something I never imagined from her as I had NEVER had her speak to me this way ever. She was angry, not receptive, and incredibly mean. Which makes me think back to all the times she claimed she always hurt everyone she loved and would say really mean/nasty things. I never believed any of that when she would say it because she was so incredibly nice to me. I couldn't imagine her being nasty or saying really hurtful things to anyone she was previously in relationships with. I suppose it is my turn now? Long story short, it has sent me back into a major depressed state. For the past two days I have cried on and off, don't want to do anything, all the hope I was feeling about thinhs looking up has vanished, I cry to my mom and best friend all day and insist that moving 6 states back home is my only option (to the point where I feel like I'm just going to get in my car and leave).

What should I do? I can't shake this and don't want it to turn into months of me not being able to get back on my feet. Were we absolutely doomed from the get go considering all of our issues? Did she really even love me or maybe it was something else and why would she do a complete 180 to being this horribly nasty person to me when I was extending an olive branch? I'm sorry if I'm in a million different places at once but I don't know what to do.