My Support Forums - View Single Post - Struggling with dissociation and depression

Sunnyhunny00 · 12:49 AM

I wish I could just hug you and make it all go away. I was molested for 4 years by an ex step brother. I know the pain of sexual abuse and the burden that goes with it. Reading everything you wrote is exactly how I felt when my BPD got extremely bad in the beginning of 2014. I felt the same exact way. It was never ending and I attempted many dangerous acts before I hopped in the car and went to the ER. Mania honestly saved me.

I can't say anything that will make the pain go away. I can be here to talk, listen and offer as much support as I possible can. Sometimes I struggle myself to listen to my own advice.

If knowing your loved ones would be crushed if your life was taken gives you even the slightest bit of courage, feed it!! Live for it!! I learned early on that we truly don't live for ourselves, we live for everyone around us. It's them we think of before we do something and it's them that stop us when we think of them.

TRIGGER TRIGGER TRIGGER TRIGGER
I don't know how to use the trigger button!!!
TRIGGER

Possible trigger:

I had a step brother that committed suicide. His dad found him in the closet. It has seriously been the worst thing the entire family has gone through. His dad has almost committed suicide many times. He's haunted by the memory of finding his son the way he did. He's been in and out of counseling. The young mans sister fell apart and is struggling to move past it. They cry and cry and cry thinking it was their fault. They said they should have helped more. The dad blames himself and struggles with anger and all sorts of emotions. Not a single day goes by that they don't think of him... Begging for him back.
Watching the ambulance show up and haul a body away... Family members that was hardly around dropping to their knees screaming. He was only 19.
Going to a funeral of a suicide is sooooo terribly sad. Everyone crying so hard, others breaking down and screaming. The mother losing it completely in front of everyone. Her cries... They could never be forgotten. The cry of a mother that lost her child. It's deathly, it's ear peircing. It will drop you to your knees and make you weak. You will never forget it. The family has fallen apart inside and out. The young man thought no one understood. He thought it was his only way out. He thought he had no one. But the truth is, even two years later not a single person has truly moved on and they never ever will. They still break down and cry at the sound of certain songs. They still lose it from time to time. So many people truly needed him and they still do.

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I wanted to tell you that story so you undertsood the reality of taking your own life. It's sooo damn hard to live sweetie!! But it's worth it!!! It is WORTH it!
It may feel like a never ending battle, it may get so damn hard you just can't stop thinking about it! But the most important thing for yourself is that you trudge through it. You cry... Scream if you having to. Write songs and make them however you want!! Set small goals and always remind yourself to try to think positive.
No, it won't always be possible, but it doesn't matter how much you fail, the only thing that matters is that you never stop trying!
There are soo many peoole that love you dearly! A lot more than you may even be aware of.

I can't make it go away, none of us can. But we can help you work through it. we can listen and be there for you!

I hope you can find distraction during this tough time! Never ever give up!