I have stuffed toys too. Sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesn't help.

It's like I don't exist at my church sometimes. When the Peace of Christ goes around, it's like I'm not there. The depression and the shyness and the wheelchair make it ten times worse than it has to be. One of the things I can handle, with difficulty, the shyness. But the depression and the wheelchair are here to stay.

The sad part is, 90% of the parishioners don't know me like you people on-line know me. If they did, it would be a far different story. On here, one can see my intelligence and who knows what else. My intelligence is all I think I have going for me sometimes. Some people would think, looking at me, that I am mentally challenged. I think the urologist thinks that, because he's using smaller words around me.

It's nice that he's not speaking doctorese, but I should tell him that I graduated from high school with an 80% average and I have a 127 IQ. Then again, most of the handicapped patients he's worked on could have been mentally challenged, so he can be forgiven, a little.

It's annoying all the same. With this and to have people "inspired" by me. Whatever for? I sit at home and collect a welfare cheque each month. Or are people inspired by the fact that I haven't killed myself yet? I would be upset by that one, anyone would.

I haven't really done anything with my life except sit at home and sleep for 11 years. Then again, people's expectations of me are so low, they are just stunned that I am not in a group home, as I am continually having to explain to them, to my great annoyance. (I get annoyed a lot, you may have noticed.)

Feel free to be inspired by me when I have completed my fifth novel, or earned a Master's degree, not for my mere survival.