I spoke with my T last week about the warning signs of my depression. He said we should have a plan, and work together with my pdoc, to help me pull out of it. Or avoid it. Or something. So I told him on Tuesday how there was a marked change in my mood for the previous two days-- feeling down. Then at the end of the session there was a severe thunderstorm and I was waiting in the waiting room for the rain to let up. My pdoc happened to walk into the room and told me to come into his office for a minute so we can talk. I told him about a couple immediate side effects I get about 20 min. after taking my meds. I also told him that I had been feeling sad. So tells me to descrease my medication? I'm not sure I see the logic in that. I have a regular appt. with him on July 12. So he tells me, "Maybe when I see you then we will re-evaluate, possible add another medication, or maybe try something entirely new." %#@&#!. I've been through about 15 meds, what's left?

So anyway, I woke up today with a full blown depression. I don't know what to do. I'm at work. I can't even do anything. Last time I went into a depressive episode, it lasted for seven weeks. I am so scared. I have my office door shut, and I keep crying. I am so scared that it will interfere with my internship. And I'm scared to tell my husband because he's probably gonna be like, "Oh %#@&#!. Here we go again." I hate bringing him down. I called my T (Left him a voice msg). I told him that it all hit me today. I figured he'd want to know since I won't be seeing him for another 8 days. Told him maybe he can talk to my pdoc about doing something about my meds that might help pull me out so it doesn't last for seven weeks again. RATHER THAN DECREASING MY %#@&#! MEDS. How is that gonna help? I hope T calls me back.