Thank you all for responding.. I honestly thought no one would.
I am to the point where I know I need immediate help, but the demons present problems that scare me out of it.. Like losing my job. I've already taken a leave of absence for an injury to my back. I've been there 7 months. I don't want to lose my job..
My family. Some of my family members are very fragile with their own mental health and I'm concerned how it will impact them. Specifically my mother. The hospital nearest me. That would be the one that people could come to see me the most, but I hear that the staff and the conditions are horrible. Also, I have severe separation anxiety. The only way its made better is if I have my stuffed animal. I'm sure they won't let me have it.. The last one seems irrational, but these are the things my mind is coming up with to prevent me from seeking hospitalization.