I know, I know. I feel like I say this every other week.

I'm just back to thinking... why am I torturing myself with therapy? Just before starting therapy, things were going *better* for me. I had found a way to eat fairly healthfully, I was losing weight easily, exercising, and feeling good.

Things got rough after a few months (stress, work, mom) and I felt like I was in a good place to try therapy again to deal with unresolved childhood stuff.

Now that I'm back in T, I'm worse off. This seems to be what happened before, when I tried therapy. I get worse. I cry more. I am more isolated. I have no energy to do anything, and nothing seems to be worth doing. I basically stayed in the same T-shirt for most of the week, and didn't bother showering - nearly the entire week. I was in bed today until noon, it's almost 3 now, I haven't done anything at all. The whole weekend is slipping by, and there's really nothing I want to do - but I don't want to go back to work tomorrow either. I'm struggling more with SI-issues, which only seem to pop up when I'm in therapy.

I was hoping this time would be better. I was hoping that b/c I was in a better, more stable place when I started, and because I found a very stable T, and because I'm older, and because I tried to tell my T all the important issues rather than not tell him what I'm avoiding talking about... so at least he'll know what we're dealing with... I was hoping it would be better, but it's not better.

I'm sad. My life was OK before T, in that I was surviving and was not miserable, but it wasn't really *great*. I was hoping I could get through the awfulness of therapy and find *great* on the other side, but now I'm thinking - I can't. Therapy seems like one big ocean of awfulness with no hope of ever emerging, no hope of something better on the other side.

I don't understand what I'm doing wrong, why I can't seem to make therapy work the way it's supposed to???

Sorry... just needed to get my freaking out thoughts out of my head and shared a little bit.